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My Feet: The Spiritual Story

Even though both the medical story and the spiritual story of my feet problems are very closely intertwined, I wanted to do them in a separate post in case I needed the medical story for a doctor where they didn’t need to wade through all my thoughts and could just look at the facts.  

January

This first month, I was still in pretty high spirits.  I didn’t think that this problem would be hard to diagnose.  I had every confidence that the doctors would know what was going on.  Plus it was in my feet.  There are no major organs so how hard could it be to figure out what was causing the problem in just my feet.

February

I was still pretty confident that my foot would get better, but the pain was so severe that I started having a really hard time.  I would be studying my scriptures and read the stories of people being healed.  The lame were walking, the blind could see.  But they had to have faith.  So I would pray faithfully.  Every morning and every night.  And even in between.  I had great faith that I was going to be healed.  I fasted for 12 Sunday’s in a row that my foot would be healed.  Our kids were even starting to pray for me in every single one of their prayers.  Even with just our family praying, I thought there is no way I won’t be healed.  But each night the pain would still be there.  And every morning I woke up my foot was hurting more and more.  I wasn’t questioning “Why me?” but I was questioning “Why is this taking so long?”.  Then I thought maybe if I hurried up and learned all the lessons that Heavenly Father wanted me to that I could be healed sooner.  So all day, every day, I would try and come up with all the lessons I needed to learn.  I knew patience was probably a main lesson but thought one month was plenty of time to be patient.  

March

This was probably the hardest month for me spiritually.  This is the month I went off my foot and had to have more help than I’ve ever had.  The pain was also the greatest then too. I started feeling so unloved by Heavenly Father even though I was doing all I could to try and live righteously despite all the pain and nothing seemed to be going my way.  Depression was around the corner and I wasn’t sure I was going to be able to prevent it.  It was at this point as well that I would try to count my blessings and then all the sudden that blessing would be gone.  One particular experience with this was the night I had my MRI.  I was laying there in the machine and just had an overwhelming gratitude that I was only having problems with my foot and that I felt healthy otherwise.  The next morning I woke up so sick.  I had a 103 temperature and not only did my whole body feel awful on top of my foot but I felt discouraged.  I remember crying wondering what I did to deserve this and just watched THIS old conference talk on repeat over and over again to try and snap out of it. 

April

I was feeling so incredibly frustrated with doctors and wondering if I would ever feel better.  I was questioning why I was even here.  My inability to do as much as I wanted, was causing so many sacrifices from other people and I was feeling incredibly useless as a wife and a mother.  I would find a way to be positive and then something would set me back.  This was happening over and over and over again.  I was discouraged again and again.  However I just kept holding on to the counsel from our apostles.  “Doubt your doubts before you doubt your faith” and “Hold to the faith you DO have”.  That’s what kept me from spiraling into a deep depression.  That and I’m sure the countless prayers that were being offered on my behalf.  During conference there was A TALK I knew applied to me and my situation.  It was good at the time, but it took me a while to work up to the counsel that was given.  

May

The pain wasn’t as great as it had been so that was helpful in me not dwelling so much on this problem.  I started to realize I needed to have a more acceptance attitude.  My foot was going to be a problem for the foreseeable future and I was going to have to find a way to deal with it and move on with my life.  I needed to get back to doing as much of my normal day to day stuff as possible.  I wanted to be a good mom and wife.  I needed to be self sufficient because it just wasn’t practical for me to rely on others for however long this problem lasted.  There are definite times where I feel the sting of not living my normal every day life.  That I have to plan ahead better for things I do and that with some activities I just plain out can’t do them.  But I also have been adding more activities and am working towards getting better.  I still really feel that I will be healed some day.  But for now, I just have to accept God’s will and His timing.  

I will be adding more to this as time goes on as I am closer to being healed.

Go here for the companion post My Feet: The Medical Story"

My Grandpa Storey

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                                                                Robert F. Storey (1935-2014)

Since Thanksgiving, I was aware that my Grandpa’s health was declining but it wasn’t until the beginning of May that I realized how fast.  We found out that he was getting put on Hospice care and that the doctors didn’t think he had more than 2 weeks to live.  So that Sunday after Sacrament meeting we drove up there to see him and spend time with him.  

I could tell he was tiring easily but for the most part, he looked pretty good.  He would even get up and walk around some as well.  

He would tell us some stories about his childhood and we would reminisce looking at pictures.  He let Corbin play school and have us all be the students.  He told us what he had been thinking about the most over the last little while and it was his family and how thats what mattered the most.  And that he knew where he was going and that was comforting.

Before we left, we got some pictures together that are priceless.  Kinsey even gave him the biggest squeeze she could!

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After leaving, I thought it would definitely be more than 2 weeks because he just looked so strong.  He was standing to take the picture with us!

Then less than 2 weeks later, my uncle let us know he had passed away.  I was a little shocked even though we knew it was coming.  I did know there was probably lots of rejoicing since he was able to see his dad (who passed away when he was 4) and my dad (his son).  I can only imagine what that would have been like. 

His memorial service was a week later and it was really nice.  I got to learn a few things about him and also just reaffirm my testimony of where we are going after this life.  

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My favorite quote from the memorial service was during my uncle’s eulogy that was actaully said by my grandma.  “When things are too hard for everyone else, it is just right for Bob.”  My grandpa was strong and stoic but he had a soft spot for children, especially babies.  I loved seeing him with my kids and he will be greatly missed by all of us!

Kinsley at 23 Months

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Kinsley is one month away from turning 2.  That just seems unreal to me!  But here are the things she is up to in her last month as a 1 year old.

-She is all girl as you can tell from the picture above.  She loves her accessories and especially her phone.  I can only imagine what this means as she gets older.  

-She is way smarter than we sometime give her credit for.  She definitely knows what is going on around her and just knows a little too much. 

-To most people she is as sweet as can be.  But she also knows how to push buttons and shes not afraid to do it. 

-She loves to help clean up.  She loves watermelon.  She loves veggies.  She loves her phone, my phone and anyone else’s phone.  She loves the iPad.  She loves Frozen.  She loves to listen to music.  She loves her babies.  She loves her brothers, her mom and dad.  She loves her family.  She loves to read books.  She loves to go walking.  She loves to play on the playground.  She loves dogs, but not too close.  She loves birds.  She is a pretty typical almost 2 year old girl.

-Kinsley is our little jabber box.  She talks a lot and wants you to know what she is saying.  She has also started saying Why?  this last month.  Im not sure she can understand the answer to that question but she asks it anyway.  

-We love to snuggle this girl.  She is still pretty little and just give the best squeezes.  She knows how to wrap us around her little fingers to get most anything.

-We love this little girl more than anything!

Mother’s Day and My Birthday

Mother’s Day and my birthday are also close together if not on the same day so I always get to feel extra special in the middle of May.  

My Mother’s Day celebration first started a few days before with the Mother’s Day Tea at Cason’s school.  Cason performed so great and I couldn’t have been more happy!

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The class made their mom’s a present of a scarf which I wore on Mother’s Day!

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Mother’s Day was wonderful too.  I was brought breakfast in bed and got cards and then we got ready for church.  We even had time to take pictures!

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That is the scard Cason made me at school and I got many compliments on it even before they knew it was made by my kid!

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After church, we got the kids lunch.  This was actually something that meant the most to me.  With my foot being in as much pain as it has, I haven’t been able to as much of the mundane mom duties and I’ve been missing it.  My foot was feeling decent on Mother’s Day so I was excited to do some of the normal mom stuff.  

Later Connor started getting dinner ready while my family was coming over.  I got a picture of my mom and I together!

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I love my mom so much!  One thing I’ve noticed about my mom lately is how much she helps people in need.  Either physcially or emotionally and usually it’s people who need help both ways.  That is something I really admire about her and I want to be better at doing that.  

We got to eat dinner outside, one of my most favorite things and it was delicious.

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It was just a lovely day.

The next day Corbin had his “Muffins with Mom” celebration at school and that was so wonderful too.  The kids had us come in and they pulled out their chair for us to sit in.  Then they presented us with presents and cards they made.

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Then the kids served us our food and sat with us while we ate.  For some reason, the kids started pulling out some of their books and reading them to their moms.  I loved that!  Also, Corbin was being very affectionate with me.  He just kept hugging me and snuggling me.

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I remember thinking that is will be so rare in the years to come and I was just enjoying every single moment of it!  

I absolutely love being a mom and I know I am doing what I should be doing.  There is no doubt in my mind about that.

For my birthday, I just did normal stuff and my foot felt okay so that was another great birthday present!  Chris and Aisling came down to watch the kids so Connor and I could go out to eat.  And my mom, Holly, and Jona also came over for a little bit so we could have some cake!

Connor said it was okay to go eat sushi so we went to a place we like downtown and I loved it!  I even took leftovers home (which I usually don’t like to do with sushi) and it was still good.  We only got one picture on my birthday and it was of just me.  Oh well.

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What a great time of year for me!!!

© The Duke Fam 2014